Oh what a shame!?! (Re-posting)
Shame or ‘hiya’ is probably the most common word in Filipino language.It is ‘nakakahiya’(shameful) for filipina to bear a child outside of wedlock,nakakahiya to kiss your boyfriend infront of your/his parent,nakakahiya to reveal our failures/weaknesses,nakakahiya to hop from bed to bed or having an affair with a married man,nakakahiya if your married life fails,nakakahiya not having enough food/drinks on a party,nakakahiya to say ‘no‘ if one assigned to become ninang/ninong’god parent/s ‘sponsor‘ in wedding or baptism.It’s even ‘nakakahiya’ to openly express our negative/unpleasant emotions, it’s nakakahiya to do this and that, it’s nakakahiya to say this and that, …and….and….That’s Filipino hiya value! We always try to repress our emotions,just to please and accommodate everyone,as we do not want to be labeled as ‘walang hiya’ which roughly means to being ’shameless’
It’s one of those Filipino parties we attended, despite of ‘hiya’ I blatantly asked, ate M,saan ako puede magpasuso kay ally,’nakakahiya’ naman dito sa harapan ng ibang bisita mo(Do you have a spare room for me sis M,so I can breastfeed ally, it’s shameful I think to expose my breasts here in front of your other visitors bla bla)Doon na lang sa kuarto namin anak ‘nakakahiya’ naman,makalat eh,pagpasensyahan mo ha?!,(you may go & use our bedroom dear !!Uh Uh, shame! so sorry,it’s quite messy)
Most of us are acting out of shame and sometimes we are ’shame’ about our very existence (those,who might think ugly about themselves, for example)
Some(if not many) simply do not care what you’d think of them,they believe they’re doing the right thing and so they do not give a damn really to your opinion,even if it would means’you’re disrespecting them for it.We called them ‘deviant’ or non-conformist to societal norms.Inotherwords, ‘ walang hiya’ or ’shameless’.But to tell you shamelessly.I admire these people a lot.Sometimes I wish to have the guts like theirs.We probably often hear them ‘I can’t help it!It’s the way I am!!take it or leave it!
When I think of ‘shameless‘I remember G,she probably one the rarist filipina I know.she’s one of those,who would wear mini skirt inside the church.Many manangs (spinsters) despise her.They think of G as some kind of jinx or something.Can you imagine a typical tropical wearing green contact lenses?lol. I told her frankly, she look like a cat and jokingly added’I don’t mind walking with a cat anyway,lol!Everybody is making fun of her & her look BUT as shameless as she is,she don’t mind it at all.She simply don’t give a sh$t on what you think of her.‘those manangs should go & try wearing yellow (hepatitis effect) contact lenses and get some life.I really pity them, she said.I like her craziness though!It’s pretty amusing!lol
‘Filipinos believe they must conform to the accepted standards of behavior and if they fail to do so they bring shame not only upon themselves, but also upon their family.’
Ok, there’s nothing wrong to feel ‘hiya’ or shame (Infact,we’re taught to be like that and it is keeping our life civil) but damn, why are we OA (overacting) with our ‘hiya’(shame)? Why can’t we just broadcast our emotions openly? Why can’t we just get our message accross in plain language?to a telemarketers for example ‘Leave Me alone Moron!!lol (‘wish I could plainly say that really!lol) or when you’re down with LBM(I’m not talking about the computer company ok?lol)why can’t we just announce,Ok people I have ‘loose bowel movements’ so I’m not in the right mood right now, alright?Why do we often hide our real feelings from other people.why can’t we be just true to our feelings and BE HAPPY.Sad part sometimes, if we are intensely not happy with our lives and broadcast it to others.People would think, you want to infect them with your own misery.Some would gossip about it,and some would be secretly gleeful at it.It is rather ‘shameful‘ nakakahiya to be so…Haaay life! is such a complex process indeed!
Oh God, you’re ugly! So what? Pheww!
September 4th, 2006 17:13
What an interesting post. Hiya for us is a way of saying hello. I always find it fascinating to see what different words can mean in different languages. Very glad the comment whore had me stop by!
September 4th, 2006 17:32
Hi claire! thanks for dropping by! you’re always welcome here ofcourse:)
September 4th, 2006 17:59
omg, natawa ako dun sa green contact lens hahhaa
maayo kay wala to siya kilati ug colors hehhe
bitaw ba lahi jud kaayo tang mga pinoy!
September 4th, 2006 20:09
ethel: tinuod dyud na inday,lahi ra ta, nasobrahan usahay ba sa kauwawon,lol
September 4th, 2006 20:28
Funny observations. For pinoys, it becomes our daily use of “expressions”. It’s like picking your own ears.
Oh what a shame!
September 4th, 2006 21:15
if im not mistaken, sa kultura ng pinoy it’s supposed to be good manners, to be considerate about other people.
pilipino
September 4th, 2006 22:13
Interesting post and points and I’m not sure its only a Filipino thing as I recognice some in Norwegians as well. I would say BE HAPPY and keep on blogging the way you do cheH!
September 5th, 2006 00:52
hahaha, very sad but true observation. nakakainis din kasi ginagawa naman talaga, bakit pa ikakahiya di ba? wala lang, mas maganda kung what you see is what you get, tulad ng kaibigan mong may 9 lives hehehe!
buti pa sa bundok, pag nauutot ka, sisigaw ka lang ng ‘distansya amigo’ para bumagal ng konti yung naglalakad na kasunod mo hehehe!
September 5th, 2006 02:00
I actually despise people (in general) who dress down inside the church, but aside from that part, I kind of admire your friend’s will to be different, and her attitude towards those who loathe her lifestyle.
BTW, I read your comment on Chas’, so I’ve decided to come by instead. Have a good one, Cheh! (:
September 5th, 2006 06:43
K: true,what a shame indeed,lol
mamajenn:yes right! but what about considering our very own feelings as well?? complicated noh?hehe
renny:I think filipinos are more OA to it though,lol Thank you dear renny:)Warm regards!
September 5th, 2006 06:51
Well I think in life we should behave and not hurt other people’s feelings.
In short, I agree with the “No to hiya” but I also say no to the “yabang” people.
September 5th, 2006 06:52
eye: hahaha wawa naman ang nasa likod alang choice kundi dumistansya:D sarap nyo eye!kung la lang akong phobia sa height sarap sumama sa mga adventure nyo! uy, ingat ha?!!
Kai:thank you kai for your initiative!:)will be visiting yours later.Not sure,if only those with blogger accts are having probs commenting,as when I tried posting anonymously, it did work! strange!! Thanks again!
September 5th, 2006 06:58
Sidney: thanks!And yes, I hate mayayabang people,too
September 5th, 2006 08:18
Naku manay, bibihira kong ginagamit yang salitang iyan. Sasabihin ko lang yan pag may halimbawang may pupunta sa bahay, sinasabihan ko kaagad sila,
Tawag muna kayo ha bago pumunta sa bahay dahil di ako naglilinis e. “Nakakahiya” naman kasing madumi ang bahay e.
Naglilinis lang kasi ako pag may darating nga bisita e.
Gamit ko naman, “pasensya na kayo” kulang pa ilaw namin. Baka kayo mahulog sa hagdan e. Mahirap na. “Pasensya na kayo” at wala kaming extra kama. Sa lapag na lang kayo matulog ha. Kaya lang wala rin akong banig. Paano ba yan?
September 5th, 2006 08:58
Hi cheH!
hahaha… natuwa ako sa post mo. What is it about us pinoys and hiya?
I tagged you nga pala with a meme. Check out my Tuesday post.
hehe
September 5th, 2006 14:21
halu mama cheh! Aliw this post. Although I have no problem being labeled as ‘walanghiya’ most of the time, I think it’s a trait that makes us maybe not so ‘unique’ but ‘peculiar’ in a very pinoy way. Nice, quirky, pinoy touches that make us a bit ‘different’ from all the rest of them.
September 6th, 2006 01:03
Hi Cheh,
Thanks for checking out my site and for your positive feedback!
It was encouraging.
Anyway, I absolutely loved your post about hiya / shame. I regret that I am likely one of those women who would be regarded as walang hiya, but at the same time, I balance it with my own codes of behavior that manage to keep me plenty shamed all of the time!
I think it’s part of the human condition, no matter what your culture and background may be. We are imperfect by design because to be perfect is devine.
I’ll definitly be back to read again.
Cheers,
Liz
September 6th, 2006 03:35
I agree about the OA hiya thingy. It’s just extreme and too much, and we all know that too much of something is bad!
And as for what kind of person I am, I think I’m more of the shameless type. I tend to perform nonconformist strikes now and then, here and there, whenever, wherever. In other words, makapal ang aking pagmumukha. Hehe.
What an interesting topic! Kudos to ya.
September 6th, 2006 07:19
Uy, did something in particular bring this on? I agree with you by the way, there’s a fine line between being blatantly rude and tactless and being frank and refreshingly honest and gutsy. I like gutsy!
September 6th, 2006 08:10
Hi neyborhood..hi hi
you forgot to mention those who always say “nakakahiya naman”, tapos eh gumagawa naman ng mga kawalangyaan…para bang yung mga taong panay ang “sorry” tapos eh gagawa at gagawa pa rin ng mga bagay na nakakasakit sa kapwa.
September 6th, 2006 16:00
oh well,nakakahiya yatang mag iwan ng comment? lol,kidding!
yup,sa pinas kase,mag kikay ka lang kung anu ano na ang sasabihin ng mga tao,pero ako,i dont care,what the heck. hehe.
its not the outward appearance that counts a lot naman,its the inner
nice post,cheH!
September 6th, 2006 16:36
Halo Cheh, agi lang ko nag paramdam lang dala ngita ug new update be hehhe..
September 7th, 2006 11:15
your posts always make me feel in a reflective mood.
i don’t use the word nakakahiya much unless i mean it,kasi it would sound plastic.
yes manay..baka sa spring na daw said attina. i hope i can come too.
September 7th, 2006 20:41
so do u like my kawalanghiyaan? *lol*
oh eh bakit nahiya ka mag breast feed sa harap ng madla? hmmm, alam ko na! ayaw mo na mainggit sila sa double E size ng ‘twins’ mo he he
sistah, lifted na mga agiw sa aking e-bahay (lanya kau ni atinnapay, pinagchichismisan nyo absensya de patatas ko!)finally, nagka energy na umupo sa harap ng laptop at tumipa sa keyboard, sana 2loy-2loy na
regards kay Uli at malagkit na halik para sa iyo at sa 2 bubwits!
September 8th, 2006 07:57
sofie: hahaha manay!!magaya nga lol
alternati: thanks for the tag dearie, will do it soon!
September 8th, 2006 08:01
Nunu’smom: ay trulili yan mamah! kaya naman I’m proud to be one of them eh,iba na ang peculiar di ba? teeheehee
Liz:Thanks a lot:)
September 8th, 2006 09:47
tala:hello! I tend to be like that,too.’kapal muks din naman ako’ pero sa mga kakilalang kilala lang talaga, pero hindi nangangahulugan mahiyain ako ha?! lol
tin: oh no!not really:)just in general;)
September 8th, 2006 09:53
rhada: haha totots yan neyborhood! maraming ganyan sa tabi tabi,hindi ko na laang inisa isa at baka maraming matatamaan,lol
ghee:lol I agree anong paki nila noh?salamat sa dalaw manay:)
September 8th, 2006 10:02
ethel:*wave* inday! dia kanunay bz sa mga kabaktinan,hehe magparamdam lang unya ko kung naa na sad koy i bla blog kunuhay:=)
sachi:lol ay mamah maraming nagkalat ganyan sa mundo , planggana ba este plastik
September 8th, 2006 10:15
thess: hahaha oo naman lab ko yang kawalanghiyaan mo kaya nga niwawalanghiya rin kita eh :p nahihiya ako kasi naman kasama ng mga pinay ang kanilang mga lalakwe baka naman pag inggitan ang aking mala bundoks na kambal at akoy pagchismisan
September 8th, 2006 14:19
hello day! bakit nga ba ang pinoy di magpakatotoo noh? wag nalang nakakahiya eh… hahaha!
September 10th, 2006 13:49
It is true, there is a thin line between being frank and being rude, but in most cases its all about “misunderstanding” based on the kind of “tolerance” a person have mostly due to his or her cultural background and exposure. Thus, tolerance for a Filipino is not the same as tolerance for an Indonesian, a Somalian, an American, German or Dutch. Even Americans here cannot quite grasp the Dutch way of tolerance.
Anywho, I also am one of the shameless Pinays out there. I speak my mind out and dress the way I do, and I always get unsolicited feedback from Filipinos. The more the people, the church and the society try to repress me, the more I became stubborn. In my mind, who the heck are you to try me to dissuade from being myself? If I cause harm then perhaps that’s another issue, but that isn’t the case. Most of the times, many Filipinos just want to meddle on other people’s lives. Its one of those ugly stereotypes we have in our country and something that I learned to ignore. Our society dictates us to care what other people think. The church dictates us to be humble, I mean humble for what, so that our employers, the church, and whoever is sitting on top in the authority can leech on our skills, taxes, and self-being?
I just think that Filipinos need to learn to be independent, independent to think, act and feel for his or her sake, regardless of what other people, the society, or whatever organization think. But I know this will take centuries because the smallest form of social function is the family, and even here, the Filipinos are excellent in controlling family members.
October 18th, 2007 10:29
‘Filipinos believe they must conform to the accepted standards of behavior and if they fail to do so they bring shame not only upon themselves, but also upon their family.’
this phrase caught my eye..
my south-african bf doesnt understand it when sometimes, i get hiya around others seeing me w/ him because sometimes some of our kabayans think a filipina girl w/ a foreigner boyfriend or husband is “pahango sa kahirapan”
November 28th, 2009 07:48
very well said…korek ka jan!
December 27th, 2009 21:11
Hi,
just dropping by.
It’s been a long time.
Hope you all are well.
have great season
greetings from
Norway
January 1st, 2010 01:33
“New day, new blessings. Don’t let yesterday’s failures ruin the beauty of today. Blessings of God are new every morning. Today has its own promise of love, forgiveness, joy and success.Happy New Year!”